It is very important for a woman to check her relationship with the man in her life before saying ” i do”. Today, there are lots of sad marriages and women find it difficult coping in such marriages. Some will rather remain in bad marriages to avoid being tagged a failure or a divorce. Some of these reg flags can be seen during courship but women get carried away thinking they have found the love of thier live. Some women will choose to ignore with hope that things will change after marriage. The thought of starting afresh can be quite daunting so some women will prefer to endure right from the courship stage untill marriage. some just want to get married because they feel they are not getting younger and thier biological clock is counting.
what most dont know that it is better to marry right than to marry early. The pain and stress of managing a bad marriage can not be described. Moving on can be painful, but less so than holding on to a toxic relationship. ‘Men screw up, and we feel guilty about it,’ said a friend of mine back in my university days. There was one man calling a girl fat. Another said that the girl he was dating was too good for him. These are clear red flags and all of them were ignored by the women. Most women generally wanted the signs to be negligible. There are times when you know you should not have replied to his messages and let things be. But you overlook that warning and reply to his pleas. Giving yourself false hope. later when it all ends in tears, you begin to blame yourself.
Even when you feel something is off, the strong desire to have a partner with whom to share your life, the dark side of it, the bright side of it can cloud your judgment and lead to poor decisions. The thought of starting afresh with another can look quite daunting. You limit yourself, your opportunities by believing that the devil you know is better than the angel you don’t.
Red flags are often visible, either by exhibiting verbal violence or physical attack, but here are subtler ones which can easily be overlooked.
HE EXPECTS ONLY YOU TO THE WORK.
When he seem not be interested in how you plan activities together. This is more apparent especially when he does not get involved in planning things with you. It takes two to tango, both sides have to invest!
Is he emotionally in sync with you?
He evades your probing on the direction of things. You ask him relationship check-up questions and he’s either unsure, needs more time, or changes the line of discussion. It’s normal to ask if he sees long-term potential in the relationship, his view on commitment and marriage, and other “big picture” questions. The speed at which a relationship progresses is a function of many factors, one of them being age.
Furthermore, listen to your intuition. If you think he’s not emotionally invested, there is a good chance he’s not. Many times in the heat of an argument one partner might say: “Let’s end it now.” While it’s ultimately a power move, watch your partner’s reaction and body language. The guy who fights for you, and the relationship, is the keeper.
DOES HE APOLOGIZE?
Apologies involve setting your ego aside. Apologies aren’t actually about who is right and who is wrong. It’s about acknowledging your partner’s feelings and validating them. In truth: A simple apology is easy. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. That was not my intention.” It can end right there. But will he let it be?
WHEN HE’S A LITTLE TOO PRIVATE
Usually, the process of getting to know someone occurs over time. However, in this age of technological connectivity, it can be easy to get to know a person at the speed of light. Dozens of text messages can be exchanged within a day expressing everything from the mundane to important issue.
Though relationships can appear to be going great but you may want to stop and ask yourself, “do I really know him?” It’s one thing to be in constant communication through superficial conversations. It’s another to know one’s motivations, thoughts, and feelings. Is he willing to truly open himself up and share his life story? Does he avoid talking about family, friends, and the things that describe his background? Can he identify what he is looking for in a relationship? Can he share why previous relationships ended? Does he reply with something vague? You may want to think things through at this point.
YOU FEEL LONELY IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Trust me,you don’t want to miss this.While there’s a natural rhythm to when a new romantic interest meets friends, family, and others in the course of a relationship, there may be a level of exclusivity that can feel stifling. No relationship can thrive in a vacuum. In fact, overly exclusive relationships where partners don’t want to include others are a hallmark characteristic of abusive relationships.
And since love they say is blind, you don’t see anything differently either. In your eyes, he is flawless. This is why you need someone to help check your vision. Whether it is a friend, a sibling, or a trusted acquaintance.
Finally, have you ever met his friends or anyone he considers an acquaintance? The adage that birds of same feathers flock together often rings true. Getting a sense of a guy’s social circle is collateral information. But if you are constantly kept behind closed doors, it can be another indicator that the guy isn’t seriously considering you as a partner. Do you like being a secret girlfriend?
HE NEVER PASSED COMMUNICATION
Communication flows naturally in the early stages of dating— it feels like you are flying in the air. But what happens when there is a communication breakdown? Relationship longevity is not measured by when things are going well, but rather when the strife enters.
Does he keep malice instead of trying to talk things through? Does he make passive-aggressive statements? At some point, your partner could be entering bullying territory or be manipulative. When you feel like you are constantly tip toeing on eggshells to avoid angering him? Then know that you are about to enter one chance.
HE TALKS DOWN TO YOU
There can be something attractive about the bad boy—the guy who is a bit aloof, the one who is not waiting on hands and knees for you. Over time, these guys become more hazard than heartthrob. Although you may have been initially attracted to his hyper-masculine take-charge manner, you start to notice that he is just bulldozing over others. He may be neglecting the feelings of others to assert his own agenda; He is always right and you are always wrong. Then at this point, know that you desire better.
THE RULES ARE ALWAYS CHANGING
In the context of a romantic relationship, it is a futile endeavour if the target is constantly moving. First, he’s not interested in marriage and children. But it’s expected of him. Therefore, he might be into it, but he’s not so sure; But on second thought, if children are involved then it is a necessity. However, he doesn’t really like children all that much. Relationships shouldn’t be like further maths. They either work or do not work. Don’t waste your time if you value yourself.
HIS SENSE OF HUMOUR STING’S A BIT.
Laughter is one of the best parts of any relationship. Connecting on a light-hearted level, being silly and having heartfelt belly laugh is a path to forging shared interests and affection. However, what happens when that same humour starts to translate into slight insults and hints? Some people use humour to communicate message that ordinarily they may not share. He might constantly brush the humour as a joke,but listen for patterns. Sometimes there is something more there.
HE OFTEN TALKS ABOUT CHANGING YOU
The love glasses can alter your perceptive abilities once more but when he keeps making indirect comments on how he wishes you can be like this or that then this need to be looked into. The ability of both partners to identify areas for growth is important. Changing the little things can do a lot for a relationship. But you can’t change a personality. Don’t make apologies for who you are. The right guy will love you just the way you are.
HE DOESN’T VALUE GIVING BACK
Community service for everyone may not be a priority. Although it can be a way of tapping into your mutual power as a couple to cause positive change in yourself and the world as a whole. Service initiatives can be a perfect way to open up conversation about common goals and values, as well as to spend time doing good for others together. In addition, a metaphor for one’s partnership is the desire to place others first. Is your partner willing to prioritize your criteria above his? Can you do the same for him? It can be a sign of a strong relationship to be able to emphasize giving back to others when things get busy.
YOU ARE NOT GLOWING
There is an exhilaration that comes with good relationships. You are perpetually in a good mood and feel like you could walk on water. Granted, these are the early stages of a relationship commonly known as the “cocaine-phase” where feel-good neurotransmitters are firing. This can last a few months until reality sets in. But sometimes, your relationship never even hits this phase. It goes from playful banter to arguments, tension, and resentment. However, your desire for a relationship rings so strong that you ignore all the warning signs. I once heard the wise saying: You either cry now for losing the guy or cry later because you kept him. “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
Think back to the earliest signs. Chances are you were onto them from your first meeting. Entering and exiting relationships can occur with grace and gratitude. There is no reason for anger, hatred, and bitterness to signal the end.
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