Are you in a serious relationship and looking to take it to the next level?
Or are you engaged and getting married soon?
Congratulations!
But first, there may be some things that you and your fiancé need to talk about in advance. Speaking to each other honestly about these bigger topics (and everything else in your relationship) will enable you both to get on the same page and have harmony.
The premarital counseling questionnaire brings to light some very common, but important, questions that pave the way for you to have a healthy marriage. It prepares you and gives you an insight into what is ahead. Read the Pre-marriage counseling questionnaire and find critical premarital questions every couple must discuss before getting married.
1. Discuss your finances
Finance is a major issue in a marriage and even one of the biggest issues in it especially when both people are not in line with one another. To avoid a huge problem later, you and your fiance should discuss your past, present, and future financial situations. Here are some questions to help:
2. Get some facts straight about children
Children are another important factor that should be discussed. I get that some people go into marriage with children already and some people do not. Either way, here are some questions to help you get started.
If you don’t have children already, how many do you want?
If you do have children, do you want more?
How far apart would you like to have them?
What are your beliefs about raising children?
What are your beliefs about disciplining the children?
3. Be on the same page about housing
Do not be in a hurry or overly excited to tighten the knot to the extent that you will forget this very important aspect. It may seem like knowing where to live is a “no-brainer” but it is still worth going over. Sometimes couples think they are on the same page about things then realize there may be some differences. Here are some questions to start that conversation:
Will you be living with the in-laws?
If yes, for how long?
If you both have your own place, which one will you move to?
If you do not have your own place yet, where will he be renting and what kind of accommodation?
Do you want to rent or buy a house?
Where do you want to live? (What city, etc.)
4. Manage your expectations
Everyone has expectations about their lives. Therefore, everyone has expectations about what they think they should contribute to a marriage and what their spouses should contribute. If as a woman you are asked to bring a certain contribution and you do not feel comfortable with it, now is the time to air things out. It is vitally important to talk about what is expected in your marriage. Here are some expectation questions:
How do you split the household chores?
Are you both working?
How many times per week do you think is it substantial to have sex?
Are you both in charge of finances?
5. Have transparency in the area of addictions
I know that it sounds like it should be obvious if someone has an addiction issue. Trust me on this one, it can be very well hidden. It is a great idea to have complete transparency in this area to avoid major setbacks later. Ask each other these:
How often do you drink?
Do you gamble/bet? If so, how often?
Is there or has there ever been an issue with substance abuse?
Do you view pornography?
6. Discuss faith
If you and/or your spouse are people of faith, it should be discussed. Especially if you and your future spouse do not follow the same faith. Here are some starters to go over:
Do you follow the same faith?
If you do not follow the same faith, are you able to respect each other’s decisions in this area?
Will you teach your children your faith?
7. Consider sex and intimacy issues
Consider sex and intimacy issues during premarital counseling
Sex is quite a large part of a marriage. Sex allows married couples to become deeply connected to one another. If you are not on the same page when it comes to sex, it may cause issues in the future. Here are some questions to ponder over:
How often should we have sex?
Can either of you initiate it when desired?
What will happen if one party does not feel like it?
What is allowed in our sexual life?
8. Discuss your future plans
We all have dreams. While two become one once you’re married, your dreams don’t just go away. You are still very much your own person as well as one half of a partnership. Because of this, it is great to discuss what you both envision for the future. Here are some questions to prompt you:
If as a woman you are still schooling or you intend to further your education, this is the time to table this.
Do you wish to work?
How do you plan to balance work and kids?
Where do you envision yourself in five years?
What job do you want to have in five years?
What is your dream life?
Asking these questions and diving deeper into what it truly means to be married is a great place to start your marriage. With the kind of marriages, we see around us today, almost everyone gets a little anxious about marriage. But you don’t have to stay anxious. I encourage you to continue to openly discuss these and any other topics that may arise. Cheers to a healthy, thriving marriage!
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